In any workplace, dismissive or bullying behavior can take many forms. It can be verbal (teasing, name-calling or threats), social (rumor mongering, leaving people out, pranking or lying about them) or even physical (poking, tripping, breaking things). These behaviors can be in person or online.
People bully for a lot of reasons. A desire to dominate leads the list, and it’s usually by someone who has their own self-esteem issues. Sometimes they bully out of anger or frustration. Often, bullies have been bullied themselves, and they’re just doing what they have learned from their own experience.
And some of it is cultural. We live in a world that seems to glorify leaders who get things done via bully behavior, celebrating them as heroes who have somehow “taken on the man” or put people “in their place.”
I once worked with an executive client who, when things went south, was fond of saying, “You get paid, don’t you? Get it done!” Usually, they said this with a tone of frustration, sarcasm and dismissiveness that left the recipients cowed, fearful about losing their jobs and demoralized. Once out of earshot, this executive would then crow about how he could make others “dance” with a simple command.
This is the ultimate in power-based marginalization and bullying. Exercising power this way is abusive. Why would any executive want to leave their professionals, who are responsible for the daily work of the organization, feeling threatened, humiliated and shamed?
It’s time to make a cultural shift — and it can start with you.
Workplace Bullying Statistics
- More than 48 million Americans are bullied at work
- 65 percent of bullies are bosses.
- Most employers are complicit in bullying, from denying it to outright encouraging it.
Think You May Have Participated in Bully Culture? Ask Yourself These 9 Questions.
Are you guilty of bullying behaviors? Has anyone ever accused you of being a bully? Sometimes we can engage in behaviors we genuinely don’t realize are harmful. Maybe it’s because everyone else is doing it, so it feels normal. Or maybe you have difficulty keeping a lid on your emotions sometimes.
Answer “yes” or “no” to each of the following questions if you’re ready to take accountability for your actions. (Oh, by the way, if your answer is “it depends,” it’s automatically a “yes.”)
- Do you single out and/or criticize people for their mistakes in front of their colleagues?
- Do you ever shout at others or find yourself taking your anger out on them in some way?
- Do you ever dismiss the views and opinions of your employees that you don’t want to hear or don’t agree with?
- Do you blame others for problems and tell them to just fix it rather than help them find solutions?
- Do you gossip about others in the workplace?
- Do you set workloads or deadlines your employees have difficulty keeping up with?
- Do you ever threaten employees with losing their job?
- Do you pass over employees for promotions or deny training opportunities because they’ve upset you, or because you don’t get along with them?
- Do you fail to address bullying, or any of the above behaviors, when you witness it by others?
How Can You Do Better?
Yikes, so you had some “yes” responses … Now what should you do?
If you’re guilty of some of these behaviors, whether you realize it or not, you may be creating a business culture that permits and encourages disrespect.
But there is hope, and you can change. It will require real action on your part, both to repair past damage and to start a new relationship with those in your charge. Here are some things you can do to improve how you interact with others — and you should begin to do these things now.
- When things go wrong, reflect on the situation and your behaviors.
- What happened, and why did you behave the way you did? What triggered that behavior in you?
- What are you learning as a result?
- What was the impact of that behavior on your colleagues who witnessed it? What was the impact on overall morale and people’s energy toward work?
- What steps can you take to avoid what triggers this behavior in the future?
- Listen empathetically to other people’s perspectives and experience. People are more inclined to follow a leader who cares about their well-being.
- Understand your role as leader. You are there to serve, not belittle. Ask yourself what you can do to help the person in front of you be successful. Real power begins with humility and authenticity.
- Ask for advice from colleagues, supervisors or other trusted individuals on how to resolve conflict more productively.
- Refrain from judging when employees make a mistake. Instead, support them in learning, growing and becoming even more effective in their work.
- Have your employees’ backs. People want to know that their boss will support them when they’ve made mistakes. Make sure your employees know you’re there to help them succeed.
- If you want to be respected, you must respect others. Only the arrogant demand respect. It’s the humble leader who inspires respect.
If you’re a leader who has exhibited bully behaviors, you will need courage. Courage means being willing to change and serving those doing the daily work, helping them achieve their purpose and be successful.
