Saying “no” can feel uncomfortable, especially if you think that it will affect a relationship or your professional future. But once you learn how to say “no,” you can start to use your time and energy to pursue your own goals without getting pulled away by other peoples’ requests.
How to Say No Politely
- “I have a lot on my plate, so I don’t think I’ll be able to fit that in.”
- “Thanks for thinking of me, but I have a previous commitment at that time.”
- “Sorry, I’m busy on that date. What about next week?”
- “I don’t think I’m the right person for this project. Could you ask someone else?”
- “I’m busy right now, can you ask me again later?”
Why It’s Important to Say ‘No’ Sometimes
Saying “no” might be difficult, but it’s important for a number of reasons.
Maintains Healthy Boundaries
Some people have a tendency to prioritize others’ needs over their own, going to great lengths to avoid conflict and even agreeing to things that interfere with their personal well-being. By saying “no,” you can establish healthy boundaries between your needs and the needs of others, recognizing that your self-worth is not dependent on others’ happiness.
“If you become a ‘yes person,’ you meet the demands and the desires and the wants of others, and at the same time, sacrifice yourself,” Steven Sultanoff, adjunct professor at Pepperdine University Graduate School of Education and Psychology, told Built In. “You don’t take care of yourself in the service of taking care of others.”
Prevents Burnout
People who don’t say “no” may find themselves agreeing to more and more responsibilities, which may lead to burnout. This might motivate them to quit their jobs for mental health reasons or because they don’t feel recognized or appreciated for their hard work.
“Saying ‘no’ is important in order to protect one’s own energy and longevity,” Jess Wass, founder and CEO of career coaching firm Reworkit, told Built In.
Allows You to Focus on Your Goals
It’s difficult to say “no” to a boss or a company leader, but it may be necessary if you are regularly asked to do things outside the scope of your job. Whether you realize it or not, agreeing to unrelated projects requires time and energy that would be better directed toward your personal and professional goals.
“Every time you say yes to something, you are inherently — whether you realize it or not — saying ‘no’ to other choices,” Wass said. “You don’t recognize that you’re betraying yourself.”
Keeps Workloads Manageable
If you keep agreeing to new responsibilities, you will eventually run out of hours in the day to complete everything you need to do. When you’re juggling too many responsibilities, you are more likely to make a mistake or let something slip through the cracks.
“If we keep saying yes to all of the things, something is going to fall, something is going to break, and we’re not going to be able to pick it back up without dropping everything else,” Azizi Marshall, a workplace mental health consultant, told Built In.
Eliminates Resentment
When people agree to things they don’t want to do, they might resent the person that put them in that situation. By saying “no,” you prevent that resentment from taking hold in the first place.
Similarly, if you agree to something, recognize that you made the decision for your own reasons, like the desire to help a friend or gain recognition from your boss.
“Knowing that you do it out of choice, rather than out of being forced, eliminates the emotional debris and the resentment that leads to burnout,” Sultanoff said.
Tips for How to Say ‘No’ Politely
Saying “no” politely is a skill. You want to let the other person know that you hear what they are saying while also asserting your own boundaries. Here are some tips to help you do that.
Know Why You Are Saying ‘No’
When you are clear about your own goals, you can establish boundaries to protect them. This makes it easier to know when to say “no,” and it gives you confidence in asserting your boundaries.
“When you get clear about what’s important to you and what your boundaries are, then you feel more empowered to say ‘no’ to things that cross your boundaries,” Wass said.
Be Straightforward
If you’ve made up your mind, communicate your decision clearly and succinctly. Don’t beat around the bush by saying “maybe” or that you’ll get back to them (unless you truly need time to think about it).
Offer an Explanation
You don’t always need a reason to say “no” to someone for personal requests, but it’s typically considered polite to do so. Offering an explanation is important in work settings, as it can offer a glimpse into your workload and competing priorities.
That said, “avoid lengthy justifications,” Vikas Keshri, clinical director at Bloom Clinical Care Counseling and Therapy Services, told Built In. “You don’t need to elaborate excessively or feel obligated to justify your decision.”
Express Gratitude
To let someone down gently, you might want to start out by thanking them for thinking of you. If they came to you for help with a project, for example, that means they value your opinion. By expressing your gratitude, you can acknowledge the compliment while cushioning the blow of the rejection.
Remove Emotional Language
When we’re busy or overwhelmed, it’s easy to get emotional and assume someone is trying to take advantage of us. If someone asks you to take on a new task in the workplace, you should try to describe the reasons why you are unable to do the task without assuming the request is unfair or inconsiderate.
Propose an Alternative
Proposing an alternative will show that you are empathetic and trying to help the person solve their problem. You could offer to refer them to another person, provide them with helpful resources or offer to help them at another date (but only if you intend to do so).
Negotiate the Details
There are ways to assert boundaries and protect your time without saying “no.” If you’re having trouble saying “no,” Wass suggests saying “yes and” — as in “yes, and I can get that done by next week” or “yes, and I can do that if we take this other project off my plate.” This approach shows your willingness to help under certain conditions.
Often, these negotiations result in conversations that help managers understand their employee’s workload, and it helps employees understand which tasks deserve highest priority.
12 Ways to Say ‘No’
Saying “no” can be difficult, especially if you’re just getting started. Here are a few phrases you can borrow the next time you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do.
- No, I’m not able to do that. Sorry.
- I have a lot on my plate, so I don’t think I’ll be able to fit that in.
- Unfortunately, I don’t have time for that right now.
- Now is not a good time for me. Thanks for understanding.
- Sorry, I don’t have the bandwidth for additional projects right now.
- I’m busy right now. Can you ask me again later?
- I can’t tonight, but are you free this weekend?
- Thanks for thinking of me, but I have a previous commitment at that time.
- Sorry, I won’t be able to make it. I’ve been really busy at work lately.
- That sounds fun, but unfortunately I won’t be able to make it.
- I don’t think I’m the right person for this project. Can you ask someone else?
- How about you start the project first, and I can help answer any questions if you get stuck?
Why It’s Hard to Say ‘No’
Many people feel obligated to help when asked, and they worry that saying “no” will damage their relationship with the other person.
“The root of this issue often lies in our desire to be liked and accepted,” Marshall said. “We’re hardwired for social connection, and saying ‘no’ feels like we’re risking that bond.”
If you’re having difficulty saying “no,” you might want to work with a counselor to uncover the underlying reasons. For example, some people may have been raised to believe that saying no is unacceptable. Wass suggests asking yourself why you feel the need to say “yes,” and what you fear might happen if you say “no.”
“In order to change that behavior, you have to bring that behavior from the unconscious to the subconscious, and then build new habits that will help you rather than hurt you,” Wass said.
In the meantime, if you find that someone is repeatedly disrespecting the boundaries you set, you may want to consider whether the relationship — be it personal or professional — is healthy for you.
“If a person is getting a lot of things that are crossing their boundaries that feel uncomfortable or unhealthy, then it may be time to start looking for other opportunities,” Marshall said. “Because no job is worth somebody’s mental health.”
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you politely say “no”?
Start by thanking the person for thinking of you, then provide a brief reason why you are unable to take on their request. You could also refer them to someone else, provide resources or offer to help them at a later date.
Why do I struggle to say “no”?
Saying “no” isn’t easy. You might be afraid that it makes you a bad person, that it will push people away or that you will somehow get in trouble. It’s important to recognize the importance of saying “no” in certain situations, which can set clear boundaries and lead to healthier relationships.
How to say “no” without feeling guilty?
If you find yourself feeling guilty about saying “no,” you may have people-pleasing tendencies. People pleasers avoid conflicts at all costs and put the needs of others before their own needs. It’s important to consider the importance of your own time, energy and personal priorities. You can protect your own needs by setting clear boundaries in your relationships. You should consider these boundaries when saying “no” and recognize that you may resent the person if you do something you don’t want to do.
