Entrepreneurship is risky, fairly misunderstood, and until you make it big or show significant progress, it’s largely thought of as a hopeless pursuit. Yet entrepreneurs are passionate, crazy at times, determined to make it work, but most importantly, we believe, by all accounts that we will not fail. We are relentless in our drive, determined to make it work and refuse to quit or be let down. Yet to the contrary of everything I just mentioned, entrepreneurs need support too, and that is why we often build our own support groups, usually built up of other entrepreneurs and close friends. Unfortunately, what is often missing from the support group are our parents. Why might you ask, in many cases, there is a general disconnect between entrepreneurs and parents and at times, conflict over the direction of the child or the level of support from the parent.
Now here’s the thing, parents want their kids to be safe, happy, and stable, and yet nothing about being an entrepreneur is that. The journey is very dangerous with a roller coaster of emotions followed by constant let downs and failures. It is a parent’s natural instinct to protect their children and to try and guide them away from danger and areas of the unknown. This is tough for what I call first generation entrepreneurs, which is when the children are the first to take the leap, second generation entrepreneurs don’t have it any easier because in most cases, the parents want their children to not have to face the hardships they faced or in some cases, take over the family business while the child wishes to do otherwise, a difficult conversation in many families.
So many entrepreneur goes through this at some point and what I’ve compiled are some thoughts and steps to help improve the situation on both sides of the equation.
For the entrepreneurs:
Your parents are doing what they think is best and more importantly, they don’t understand. This is as much as a generational gap as it is a lack of understanding of the business world. Entrepreneurship has evolved and is now almost a lifestyle as much as it is a business venture. We seek to be different, pioneers in a sense and it is as important to us to make our own path as it is to be rich and successful. As an entrepreneur, it is very important you understand that they will not see eye to eye on this. Your parents more often than not made significant sacrifices in their life and did things because they had to, not because they wanted to. This is a generational difference and today, we would rather die than do something we don’t love doing.
Yet here’s the problem, too many entrepreneurs expect their parents to blindly support them, to always treat them like the shining ball of significance they’ve been lifted up to be their entire lives. But we’re at a stage in our life where it’s time to grow up, and to our parents, this is when we should have figured everything out by now, not pulling a 180 and in many cases, quitting a promising career or leaving a steady pay check on the table to pursue a business venture.
Here are some steps you should take to improve on the situation. Notice how I say improve because you may always find troubling areas in a relationship. Your parents are your parents and they sacrificed to raise you to where you are today, take the time to be patient with them and work to make them proud, never in spite of what they might say.
1. Pitch them
You should treat your parents as your biggest investor. If you can’t convince them that this business venture will work, how will you ever convince an investor, or a client to work with you? Remember, investors ask a lot of questions, they question your ability and will often beat you down when you’re presenting this, and so will your parents. It is important to not take this personally and as an entrepreneur, you have to be able to spin criticism and negativity with passion and knowledge. Put together a business plan, a pitch book, take the time to walk this through with your parents and if they have questions, be sure to take the time to explain everything, because by the end, they should know your business inside and out.
2. Update them
Your parents love the structure of corporate culture, and when you go to work, they never wonder if you’re truly being productive. As an entrepreneur, you parents will definitely wonder and it is important that you share with them milestones and achievements so that they see you are making progress and this will help them understand more of what you do on a day to day. This is especially difficult when your business goes through a long period of time in development phase (no revenue), and you will have to keep very open lines of communication.
3. Help them understand business itself
Entrepreneurship is no easy road, business is tough and full of disappointment and your parents need to understand that. Once again, take the time to educate them that this is how business works. Failure is part of business and nothing ever goes as planned, and they need to understand that. This is especially hard for first generation entrepreneurs or for second generation entrepreneurs that are doing business in a completely different field.
4. Thank them for their support and work your ass off
Work, work, work and let them know how hard you’re working and thank them for their support when they help you. It makes me sick to see entrepreneurs wasting away opportunities by not working hard enough and I can’t imagine how their parents feel about that.
For the parents:
Your child is embarking on a journey and they truly need your support. But understand that entrepreneurs stick to those that are positive and avoid negativity like the plague. I guarantee you that your child will stop communicating with you on a regular basis if you are not supportive of their dreams and aspirations. What’s important to understand is that while you think your child is special and good enough, he or she generally does not and wants to make something great of themselves. Children these days want freedom, they want significance, they want to be rich and they want it now. Understand that your child will grow as an entrepreneur in ways school, corporate life, or you could ever teach them. It is trial by fire and you have to embrace the fact that they will get burned, hell, they might get scorched, and it’s at those times that they need you the most.
Here are some steps that can help your relationship with your child as they embark on this journey.
1. Respect your child’s decisions
Listen, your son or daughter’s aspirations could be a million times worse. Respect the fact that he or she wants to do something great. Of all of life’s problems, the fact that your kid is aspiring to do something magnificent and is willing to take the risk to do so, should be among the smallest of your worries. Also understand that nothing you say will change their decisions just like nothing you ever told them when they were kids ever changed their decisions. In this case, it’s better to try your best to respect and support them.
2. Seek to understand
This can be very fun and a way to bond with your children. Make this a requirement as a parent to ask them about their company and to tell you everything about it. As an entrepreneur, they should be ecstatic to talk to anybody about their business and here you should be able to see their passion for what they’re doing because more often than not, you won’t be able to shut them up. Also, take the time to read business books, share resources and if possible get involved from the outside. Understand that they will more than likely want to walk their own path, but make opportunities and resources available, just don’t push them, and if you are lucky enough to be offered to be involved, respect their decision making process and vision for their future.
3. Delivery and timing is so important
This is critical because what I believe is that the single greatest mistake parents make with entrepreneurs is kick them when their down. Business is tough, and you have to fail over and over and over again until you make it big and make it right. In times of our greatest defeat, we need the support of those closest to us to revitalize our spirits in order to fight again. Do not take this time to give us sympathy and definitely do not take this time to do a “I told you so” or, please just get a job talk. What is also important is how you deliver a message. Children expect a warm home but when that home turns into a place of criticism and negatively, we will avoid it.
In closing, I need to thank my own parents for their relentless support for my own endeavors. Their belief in me has been remarkable as I’ve failed so many times and through much disappointment they’ve been there to support me. Eternally grateful is an understatement and I think of them every as I work with every last drop of blood sweat and tears to make them proud. I love you mom and dad.
Quick Hits:
- There is a lot of negatively in the election process that has been directed to China. Couple of things, first is regarding the term they call, currency manipulation. All this is saying is that China is growing the value of its dollar at a slower pace. This is entirely in the best interest of the US and is by no means China trying to cheat. The US pressured Japan to do this in the 80’s and 90’s and look at them now. What people understand is if China let its dollar grow the way the US did, it would shoot cost of goods through the roof and in turn, hundreds of millions of Chinese citizens would starve to death due to rising costs.
- The second part of this is that while the presidents can talk all tough, in reality, China is going to tell the US to go fist themselves. The country is doing just fine and has trillions of dollars in reserves outside of the trillion dollars the US owes China. Talk tough all you want, but they will do nothing when it comes to the negotiation table.
- Politics (This is not about politicians), is an integral part of business. A great leader understands that influence and playing the room is very important in becoming successful. When someone tells me they don’t play politics, I usually think that they don’t play successfully either.
- The importance of being genuine when you do something or build relationships with people is critical. Not everything is a sale and not every meeting needs to be objectified. A lot of people try to calculate ROI (return on investment) on every business relationships or interaction but people who do that often are always in the middle or near the top but never will reach the true pinnacle of success. They hustle hard enough to be successful but will never garner true trust and meaningful relationships to be on top.
Quote:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
~Mark Twain
